Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage our emotions and the emotions of others to enjoy successful social interactions. EQ skills are learnt and can be improved while growing up.
Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed academically however, developing EQ skills in children will support them to cope with their emotions and feelings in a healthy and positive way and will determine the quality of their interactions and relationships. Emotionally intelligent children are more likely to be confident, cooperative, positive and happier children, they enjoy problem solving skills, good academic performance and healthier social relationships.
Parents hold responsibility for shaping a child’s emotional development as children learn by observing and modeling reactions and behaviors of the people in their environment.
Here are some tips to nurture emotionally intelligent children:
– Teach your child to be aware of an emotion
Help your child take notice of his or her state of mind and thoughts by being aware of the feelings and emotions he or she is experiencing at a certain moment. Explain that emotional life is not dangerous and is part of human nature. It is true that we cannot choose to sense certain feelings (joy, anger, sadness…) however we can choose the way to cope and react to those feelings.
– Validate your child’s emotion
Listen well to your child when he expresses his or her feelings then mirror back what he / she has shared to him / her using the same words. Accepting your child’s feelings does not mean that you endorse them; it just shows that you understand. Your empathy and acceptance helps your child accept his / her emotions and allows him / her to move on easily.
– Encourage your child to notice and name his / her feelings
Noticing and naming feelings can increase your child’s self-awareness of what’s happening within and can equip him / her better to respond to hard situations. You can encourage your children to build an emotional vocabulary by providing them with labels to describe their core feelings. Core feelings include anger, sadness, fear, peace, confidence and joy…
– Help your child deal with an upsetting issue in a creative way
When a child’s emotion is acknowledged and accepted, the emotion loses its edge and momentum and begins to dissolve, and an opportunity for creative problem solving arises. Support your child by asking questions that can expand his / her thinking and help him / her brainstorm to find constructive solutions to the upsetting experience. Talking through emotions works the same way for children as it does for most adults. Teaching your child to consider his feelings and emotions as signals about things they need to handle in a different way empowers them.
– Teach your child emotional regulation techniques
We experience positive results when we respond to difficult situations in a calm and rational manner and when feelings are centered and balanced. Introduce alternative ways to your children to express their frustration and anger, help them speak in a strong, confident tone to talk their anger out, to name the feeling, to breathe deeply, to draw or write about their emotions as these techniques greatly help in easing up the intensity of the feeling. When your child is able to adjust his / her emotions to suit various situations, know that resilience and confidence are being nurtured and developed at the same time.
– Praise and encourage for achievements
Praise is when you tell your child what you like about his or her behavior. it allows him / her to experience the ownership of something well done. No matter how old you child is, your praise and encouragement will help him / her feel good about themselves. This boosts self-esteem and confidence.
– Be a role model for learning
We are our children’s first teachers and we have a vital role in the learning and development of their emotional intelligence. Our reactions and language mark their own reactions and the words they will use in similar situations. In times of stress, it is important to set an example by staying calm. Always use words and not force. Talk through your own feelings and model alternative ways to express yourself. Some parents repress their negative emotions hoping to spare their children discomfort which adds confusion to your child. By acknowledging that you are displeased without acting upset your child learns that even in times of distress and sadness, we can be in control of our emotions.
– Promote empathy
Empathy is the ability to visualize how and why someone else is feeling a particular emotion in a particular situation and respond with care. Empathy promotes good friendships and great relationships. Children develop empathy by experiencing it from others especially when facing strong emotions.
– Teach your child positive self-talk
We all participate in some form of self-talk. Self-talk is that internal dialog that tells you “I am awesome” or “I suck”. When a child’s self-talk is negative, it makes it increasingly difficult for him / her to build confidence and be perceived as a strong and confident person by the people surrounding him. Teach your child to adopt a positive attitude, once his / her “self talk” is positive, good things will follow. However, if the “self talk” is mired by negativity limitations and a sense of reluctance will ensue. Managing self talk which affects moods is an extremely important part of developing emotional intelligence.
Children are our future. Empathy, self-awareness, and relationship-building skills are critical to live a meaningful life physically, mentally and emotionally.
Linda Chaccour – ACC – Founder and Managing Director @ Emerge – Life and Youth Coaching – Certified Youth, Parent and Family Coach
M: +971506964262
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