“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life and in change there is power” Alan Cohen
Is your child moving from one school to another? Are you moving to a new house, or even made the decision to move to another country? Here you are, in the middle of the change, and suddenly, when you thought your children were coping well with the situation, you realize that, in fact, they’re not!
If this is what you’re struggling with now, then this blog is for you. And if not, you certainly know someone who is having difficulties dealing with a similar situation or would even like to know what to do if this will ever happen to you as change is inevitable!
How can you help your children overcome such difficult moments and minimize the effect of any stress involved in change? Here are 10 effective steps that would help insure a smooth change
- Prepare them by informing them as soon as possible. Name and describe the change. Involve your children in family discussions about what will happen.
- Create an individual or a new family vision, depending on the change, if it is related to one of your kids, or to all family members
- Keep the routine. It is important during times of change to try to maintain as many familiar routines as possible. For example, bedtime and mealtime. Keep other changes to a minimum. But also, gradually break some of them to allow for a smooth change to happen.
- Adopt yourself a positive attitude towards change. There is no substitute for being a good role model for your children. Remember, your child will learn effective coping strategies from watching you first!
- Get them involved in the process as much as possible so they feel accountable and that they are collaborating in the decision made. Try to include them in part of the decision-making, for example, choosing colors for their new bedroom. Allowing them to have some sense of control over even a small part of a change can help to take away some of the anxiety about the “unknown”
- Create an environment of cooperation and support. Let them talk with someone who has already made a similar change. How did he or she cope? What helped? What didn’t help?
- List the positive aspect of the change but also the negative so they know what to expect, and accept the things they cannot change. And tell them that even when there is a big change to cope with, there will still be lots of elements of the situation that will stay the same.
- Collect information specific to the change. For example, help them to do some research of the new school, or the location of their new house. And if possible, visit the area before the move.
- Don’t forget to listen to their worries and acknowledge their feelings and reassure them about your presence and your support in every step along the way.
- And last, but not least, remind your kids of the last time they coped with change, even a small one, and how they overcame it. This will give let them feel confident to take a bigger step forward.
Coping with change is much easier when a child understand that change is a natural part of life, and that it is possible to build skills to cope with change successfully. At the end, even if they cannot control the situation or change it, it is the way they react to it that matters. And just like a toddler needs to hold your hands when he does his first walking steps, your child needs you to walk hand in hand beside him to face a new challenge.
The best thing about making a big change in the life of your kids is the fact that you’re taking them out of their comfort zone and helping them see any change in their life as a great opportunity to learn and grow, and you are building their resilience.
Remember that the sun always shines after the storm. Hang in there!
Haifa Dada
Youth, Parent and Family Coach
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